Not so in control

Today has been a very "blah" kind of day. Had a couple of vague thoughts about why that might be the case (sleeping in, unproductive, long class), but nothing especially concrete. For some reason, after effectively staring at my computer for a few minutes (read: hours), I finally decided I had to something, whatever that something was. Well, I decided to spend some time with God. The worship was nice, but then I started praying. Or, more to the point, getting in an attitude of reflection and prayer and letting my mind follow however God seemed to be leading. At some point in the near future I need to determine His will on whether I'll lead another small group next year, but that really wasn't where God was going. He took me to the "blah" feeling, and why that is.

Jen mentioned this to me before, but it really resonated tonight. I'm very lonely. I never really had friends--true friends, in the real sense of that term--until I came to Taylor. I do not have that Christian community here in Bloomington. I do not have friends I see multiple times a week who know me well enough to tell when something's weird, when I'm in a funk, when I need someone to kick me in the butt and tell me to get focused on my work. Or on God. Or to quit mucking around and ask a on a date. Or anything like. A lot of this is my fault, as I have not developed really in depth relationships with people at ECC (some of that is my trips to Muncie this year, and some is just my general personality). Part of it is just growing up and living out on your own--you can't live in college forever.

I almost got the feeling tonight from God that it not be completely my fault. Maybe I am to create that community here. Maybe I'm to learn something from this time "alone"--either in preparation for some body or some thing coming in my life. Maybe He's molding me into what He wants me to be, and this is one way He's doing it. I didn't get a complete answer to any of those questions tonight when I was praying, but I did get the gentle encouragement that God is in control. He is sovereign, and I need to trust Him. It won't magically cause deep, loyal friends to appear. It won't necessarily get me out of a funk after an especially unproductive day. But there is a comfort knowing that He still cares, is taking care of me, and still has some amazing things in store for me.

Bring it on, God, make me more and more into Yours.

I'm famous

Well, almost.

http://www.idsnews.com/subsite/story.php?id=29430

Gotta love free publicity. :)

Ooooooooooook...

....lahoma, where the sun.... (I don't remember the rest of the words)

Had a fun night with Tara last night (thanks for letting me borrow her, bum :)) while watching a show. It's always fun hanging out with her, even if it means having to decipher my cryptic last post, and explain who this mysterious "Liz" is and why she seems to know more than anyone else. Ahh, the joys of having a few friends in about every city in the country, it seems. I think all my friends need to move to Bloomington--it would make it a lot easier on me. And a lot more fun. Plus, it would make that whole date thing a lot easier to figure out. :) Hey, I have a spare bedroom, I think we can make this work.

On a positive note (or is it a negative note?), I don't have quadratic forms class for the rest of the year. I was real excited to read that in an email, but then I continued reading and found out it was because Dr. Haile fell and broke his nose last weekend. When I read that, I felt guilty about being excited. Either way, my last class appears to be this Thursday afternoon. How sweet is that? Even more exciting, that professor has yet to mention anything about a final, which makes me think it's very likely there won't be one. More to that point, he specifically told another guy in the class we wasn't going to give back homework. He's a post-doc who just got a job at UConn--what does he care? So, I'm looking at a semester with no finals...I could truly be done with school on Thursday. Rock on!

To add a little cherry on top to all of this, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy starts this weekend. Why do I say that? I don't like cherries on my sundaes... Anyway, I may get to head up to Indy to see it this weekend with the bum, which would be way cool. Now, if I could only get a certain lady to come watch it with me...

Why? (Didn't I already use this title?)

Why do I take so much time to get up the nerve to ask someone on a date? Either she's interested, or she's not. Is it better to keep up "the dream" than to actually know one way or the other? Tell me to shut up and do it.

TeX

So, I'm really excited about this new TeX program that I downloaded onto my computer a couple days ago. It's really nice and easy to work with. It's shareware, so keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't stop working in a month.

Unfortunately, that's about the only thing that's gone right the past few days. My stomach's been funky for a few days, which has led to some less-than-fulfilling nights of sleep. Which, of course, leads to some less-than-productive days of working on math. Fortunately, I've been able to write up a colloquium talk (with my new TeX program :)), which doesn't require that much thought, or I wouldn't be getting anything done. Besides that, two of my good swing friends had a HS friend hang himself a few days ago. They weren't especially close to him, but it's still rough. I wish they didn't both go to different schools (DePauw and Anderson)...I really wanted to give them a hug and just hold them for a few minutes.

Anyway, hopefully the sun will stay out and shining--I have a middle school track meet to start tonight. Maybe I can fit in a nap first....

Job (the person, not the occupation)

Job and his friends spent chapters 3-37, and then in comes God in chapters 38-41 and says "shut up and listen to me." Well, more or less...

Pastor Bob today related that to our prayer life. How often to we give Him our list of requests, and do a lot of talking, but don't actually listen much. I've been thinking about my prayer life right now. I want my prays to have more power, and I want to hear God more. I want praying to be a conversation with the Almighty. The anal part of me wants to dissect exactly how you just listen to God, and how you keep distractions out of your head (especially if you have a day full of things to do), but some of me just thinks you just do it and don't worry about that so much. Anyway, it that means more praying in tongues, less praying in tongues, I don't really care--as long as I'm getting in deeper and deeper communion with God.

Where in the World is...

...Carmen Sandiego? So, any guesses what song I found online? There was a pretty cool site (I don't remember the URL anymore :( ), but it had all kinds of TV theme songs that you could download. Plus, they're all recorded off of the TV, so nothing's illegal about it. :) I love Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?--I grew up watching that show, and have the lyrics memorized (see my last post, under "nerd"). I've already listened to it about twenty times or so...

Besides that, I actually got a little math done today. Not much of it was actually algebraic geometry, but I spent some time going over topology (my minor area--blech) with another student. I think I'll be able to handle that material, actually...one less thing to stress about.

Also, made the point to spend some time with God before heading into the office. It's a great way to start the day, and just keeps my mind focused the right way. Days I don't do it, I really notice. If nothing else, it seems a lot harder to focus throughout the day--Satan just has that little bit extra foothold. I wish I could wake up in time to spend a good hour with Him, instead of 20-30 minutes. Either way, God is cool! :)

Rain Rain Go Away

So, I had my first track meet of the year on Tuesday...or rather, I would have had it if not for it raining all day until 2pm, when the AD cancelled the meet. It immediately proceeded to get sunny and gorgeous until about 8pm that night. Gotta love Indiana!

Speaking of love, over the past two days, I got invitations to two separate weddings in the mail. Of course, one of these I'm standing in, so it's a little weird to get an invite, but whatever. Anyway, they always say "Mr. Alspaugh and guest." I always want to have a guest to take to these things...I think it's my insecurities, especially around HS friends, who I worry so much about because I think they all think I'm a nerd. Which I am (I mean, let's be real here), but I'm a lot more than that, too. Plus, the first wedding has dancing at the reception--how could would it be to take a girl who could swing dance and really impress them? Request It Don't Mean a Thing or Sing Sing Sing--maybe drop in an aereal (sp?) or something. Heck, my parents don't even know much about my swing dancing, except that I seem to do it a lot. But until God brings her to me (or finishes getting me ready for her), I suppose I'll have to dance with myself. :)

All that being said, I seem to be posting (once again) on a day where I got very little mathematics done. I have to quit having days like this. Getting work done in my office keeps getting harder and harder...I need to learn to take some stuff out to the library (or outside, if it's not raining) and do work there. I'm just plain scared about my TIER III, so I prepare myself by not studying a lot and feeling even more stressed. Well played by Shawn...I would "call" if I were you.

At least this latest rain is bring in some warm with it...

Too much sun, too little math

"Why can't God just forgive us at all?" is the wrong question. The question is really "How can a God who is so just and holy forgive us at all?"

Just a quick comment from the sermon today. I liked it, so you get to hear it. I thought it would be a good counterpoint to an argument that someone may or may not be making in the future.

Anyway, why does God give us absolutely gorgeous, mind-boggingly beautiful, and then put the final round of the Masters (amazing round, with a few truly memorable shots) and the Cubs (in an extra inning affair--Cubs win 6-5!) on TV, with mathematics to get done, windows to be cleaned, and a car to get washed. So, what do you guess happened? Shawn cleaned his windows, washed his car, watched golf, watched baseball, and is still waiting on that math to get started. Which means, to meet my self-imposed guideline of finishing the chapter and having done some problems by my meeting with Larsen on Tuesday at 10am, I have to read/comprehend 6+ pages tomorrow, which promises to be very nice as well.

Oh yeah, and I need to test out some new stuff from the swing workshop on Saturday at open dancing tomorrow. My legs are tight and tired, but the thought of more dancing is exciting. The instructors strongly encouraged us to be more conversational in our dancing, and focus on being more free and working with the music. This, of course, is completely against my mathematical, "do this move then this move" nature, but may also be why I enjoy it so much. There's something about hitting a kick, or a break, in your dance with a follow that also listens to you and the music, it's pretty cool. Maybe that's why I enjoy following so much when I dance (doing the "women's" part)...I don't have to think--just listen to the lead, listen to the music, and react. I've gotten quite a few compliments on my following--I may be the best lindy follower in the area....well, male lindy follower. :)

Great great.....great grandson of Euler

I do actually have something to say (who knew?). As it turns out, if I write my thesis with my current advisor, I will become a descendant of such great mathematicians as Klein, Lipschitz, Lagrange, Euler, and even Gauss. Yeah for me! Of course, I have to write the stupid thing, first.

Check it out if you wish--my advisor is Larsen.

Blah

So, why is it that when it's absolutely gorgeous out, like it has been the past couple days, I've been able to get a decent amount of work done, but now that it's a little cooler, a little cloudier, and much more rainy (I so wanted to say "more rainier"), I can't get focused, or stay focused, on anything? I even played a game of cards in the office and by the end of it my mind was elsewhere. At least I have a nice pinkish hue on my arms and legs from studying outside the past couple of days. Of course, it probably won't be sunny for the next week...
Since I feel guilty about not posting a blog in the past half-century or so, I figured I would come home and write one now. Then, I'll be almost completely out of things to do at home, so I'll have no choice but to do math. At least that's the theory.
So how about them Cubbies? Looks like they're back to their old games--two on (in scoring position), nobody out, eighth inning, down two runs, only score one. *sigh* At least the Yankees lost today.
Looks like it might be a low-key weekend for once, will could nice. By low-key, I mean I don't have to drive somewhere, which is a nice change of pace. IU has a swing dance workshop with Evin and Andrew--two great instructors from Chicago. So, basically I don't get any math done on Saturday, but I should have a lot of fun. :) That's pretty much the extent of my weekend. Exciting, isn't it?
Anyway, I don't really have much else to say. It's just been one of those days, and since I very clearly have nothing of content to say, I'll put you out of your misery now.